A Midsummer Week's Mess
by fAT bRUNETTE
Summary: Charlie doesn't approve of Edward and Bella's marriage, and they decide to elope. The Cullens chase after them, and Alice, to try to sop them, gets Jacob involved. Midsummer Night's Dream, kinda, but really twisted. R
1. Charlie's Refusal

**This fanfiction will be like a really warped Midsummer Night's Dream version with Twilight characters. I will post the "cast", like which Twilight character represents which Midsummer Night's dream character, later. This first chapter is almost like a Breaking Dawn scene, bu I needed it to create the setting. therefore, it doesn't have many Midsummer Night's Dream aspects to it (none at all, I believe), but just be patient, review, and then I will begin the real drama.**

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**BPOV**

"No!" My throat gave a strangled cry. I tore out of the house, face in my hands, tears streaming down my mascara-stained cheeks like a river. The awfulness of it all crushed down on my shoulders, and with great effort, I continued to sprint away from the house I once loved. Now, Charlie's refusal seemed to fill its aura, like a disgusting smell, covering the sweet memories of the past.

I ran for what seemed like forever, tripping over branches, nearly breaking my arm. I didn't want to stop running, because I knew that when I did, the realization of Charlie's words would once again overwhelm me.

After what seemed like hours, I finally slowed to a walk. Dried leaves crunched under my feet. That's when I noticed my bare feet. I glanced around with puffy eyes. It seemed I had run my way deep into the forest. That's not good.

Hard comforting arms suddenly wrapped around my waist, and I felt my heart beat immediately slow. His smell was so delicious, not too sweet and with a tinge of spiciness to it. A whoosh of icy air blew across my face, and I sighed, content yet worried.

"Bella," he whispered. "Do not be upset. We will find a way to convince him." My heart plummeted. I didn't want to remember that. I rubbed my eyes and face, hopefully ridding them of the black streaks, and then turned to face him. His eyes were brighter than usual, like a molten gold.

"No, Edward." My heart shook with sadness, but I successfully kept my voice steady. "He has made his final decision. He said he'd rather die than see me marry you." My voice caught on the last two words, and I lost my cool composure. Once again covering my face in my hands, I began to sob, harder than before. I felt Edward's cold reassuring hands cover mine and them gently lift them away from my teary face. I turned, not wanting him to see me in this state.

"Bella." He sense the torn look on my features and scrunched his face up too. "I do not want to hurt you, or Charlie." He paused, and I immediately dreaded his next words. "Maybe, you should have chosen Jacob instead…" My eyes flashed towards him, and he seemed to notice my anger by the murderous stare I was giving him.

I screamed, "Why can't you understand?" I couldn't believe it. His words almost reflected Charlie's phrasing, the man I had always thought would understand, would accept.

"I love you, Edward, YOU! Without you, I cannot live. Jacob was there for me when you left," we both flinched, "but there was never anything more to it than a love born from gratitude. You are the singular most important being, and without you, my body is gone. So don't you EVER think about me not choosing you again!" I finished my rant, chest heaving. Edward was stunned, and almost admiring in the way he looked at me.

Suddenly, his beautiful face uplifted into his crooked smile. I was now the one to stare, wondering why in the world he would smile after all my screaming. There was almost a radiant glow coming off of his already god-like body.

"Thank you, Bella," his smile widened, "for answering all of my terrible suspicions." His smile then faltered a miniscule bit. "I was so sure you loved that dog more than me, but thank goodness I now know it was only 'love born from gratitude'." He winked, and I couldn't help but give a tiny grin. Suddenly, without warning, he lifted me up and placed me on his back, my arms around his shoulders and legs around his waist.

"So, to talk about your current problem, now that I see you really do want to do this, even with someone like me…" I suddenly interrupted. "I did tell you that you obviously don't see yourself in the right light either, didn't I?" My irritation was plain in my tone, and he laughed.

"Alright, alright. Well, as I was saying, now that you are sure about our marriage, and, regrettably," I buried my face into his shoulder blades, "Charlie's reluctance to give us his blessings, let's go discuss our options with our family."

At once, he was running, because I saw the ground suddenly tear past before I squeezed my brown eyes shut. I no longer did this because of queasiness, but because I did not want to remember Jacob, and the motorcycle times.

I clenched my mouth. The conversation with Charlie had not been terrible until I mentioned the part about never seeing Jacob again.

Flashback:

_I walked through the door, motioning for Edward to stay behind. His face looked worried and pained; both he and I were clueless about how Charlie would receive the news of our engagement. Well, maybe he knew, but judging by his beautiful yet pained features, it wasn't going to be good._

_Charlie was waiting for me on the couch. It seemed to wilt under his weight. His eyes burned with unseen anger._

"_Bella." He motioned me to sit down. I sat on a comfy loveseat. We stared at each other, for a long time, before I cleared my throat nervously, not knowing how to start._

"_Um, Charlie? Me and Edward have something to tell you…" I glanced at the window. Charlie's face was unreadable. "Well, we are engaged. The date of the wedding is set to August 13__th__." Again, he made no response. "And, we couldn't go on without your blessings, so…" I paused. It was then he sighed._

"_Oh, Bella. I heard about it. There was a rumor going around about you and Edward's proposal, and several people at the station came up to me to ask about it." He rubbed his weary face. I suddenly noticed the lines on his forehead and dark circles under his eyes. He looked fragile and tired._

"_I'm sorry, Dad. I know I'm not making a mistake though. We won't be a repeat of Renee and you." I glanced out the window again. "Edward was the one that kept begging me to marry him," I made sure he heard that. My eyes turned beseechingly towards Charlie's careful face. "Please, please, agree to the marriage. Without your approval, I, we, can't go on." There was a moment's pause. _

"_Well, are you still going to see Jacob?" I guess he was hoping I would cheat with Jacob and later divorce Edward. Like that would ever happen. "No, I'm not. I can't see Jacob anymore after I'm ch- after the marriage." I barely caught myself. Charlie now stood up furiously, his hopes of me and Jacob dashed to the ground._

"_Bella! How could you do this to Jake? Especially when you know how much he loves you, the poor boy." I turned my face away, wanting to stay resilient to the awful memories pouring in. "Jacob was there for you when that-that" Charlie was shaking a finger at the window, anger making his face turn beet red, "that monster left you." Oh, that was a blow to Edward. He was sure to mention the monster part for a while. "Jacob, I know, will never leave you or hurt you. Edward will never be as wonderful as Jacob." Charlie's voice was shaking and loud now._

_I shook my head slowly, knowing just how wrong Charlie was. Jacob would leave me, if he imprinted, like Sam left poor Leah. I was definite about my decision._

_My heartbeat began to pick up in desperation. "Does that mean you won't…consent?" Charlie's face emptied of emotion. He sat down. "Yes, Bella. If you marry him, do it over my. dead. body." His teeth clenched. My thoughts flew, and I screamed. "No! Charlie! You can't do this!" His face remained impassive. "That's my final answer Bells. I will personally bring the police into the marriage ceremony if you attempt it." I couldn't believe his words, his unreasonable stubbornness._

"_No!" I ran out of the house blindly, crashing open the door…_

"Bella?" His perfect voice whispered in my ear. "Are you alright?" Hands pulled me down from his back. "We're here."

I opened my eyes. Edward was next to me, holding my hand and watching my face carefully. The white house where the Cullens lived stood in front of me in all its glory. I was glad for a break from my recent flashback. I took a step towards its wide oaken door, and felt Edward's hands pull me back and turn me to face him. His perfect lips turned upward.

"Bella, do you not know what I am thinking right now?" He leaned in, with one hand pulling me closer to him. His lips came dangerously close, and he blew into my face. I felt my breath catch. His hand on my back moved in reassuring and soft circles.

He leaned even closer, eyes burning like a bronze fire. "I want you, Bella. Let me take your mind off your worries." Then his cool lips were on mine, and I tasted their sweetness. My lips moved gently under his. I felt my face turn red and burn,and a tingle flew up my spine. I licked his bottom lip, unable to resist the beautiful taste of him, and he opened his mouth. I knew we were going too far, but I couldn't stop. I wanted to forget everything and just lose myself in the heat of the moment. I was about to deepen the kiss, when an unexpected and unwelcome visitor yelled our names, startling our lips apart.

"Edward! Bella!" A small black-haired figure bounced up to us and we abruptly stopped kissing. My heart thud loudly in my chest while Edward's hands held my waist to him in a vise-like grip. He stared intently at Alice, obviously annoyed by the interruption. I fought back a giggle.

Alice rolled her eyes. "No need to be so protective." I quite agreed. "Get away from her Edward. She's been with you for forever. We still have to plan the wedding." Edward and me glanced at each other. Edward raised an eyebrow, clearly sending her his thoughts again. Alice grimaced.

"Yes, I know, Edward. The marriage will just have to be more secretive, that's all." I pretended to be interested with a waving daisy in the perfectly kept lawn. I reached down to pluck it.

Edward glanced sideways at me, and then turned back to Alice. "Alice, I don't think Bella would like to have a big celebration for the wedding anymore. And I agree with her." Alice's gasp was loud, like a suffocating person taking a breath.

"What? You can't do this Edward! Bella!" Alice turned to me, giving me a large pout. "Bella, tell him that isn't fair. I know you wouldn't go back on your promise to let me do the wedding." I scrunched my face up and looked down at the daisy in my hand. This was going to be difficult.

"I'm sorry, Alice. Things are too complicated, and I just want it over and done with." There was no response. I looked up to see her swaying on the spot. Her eyes were glazed, and her mouth trembling.

Suddenly, her eyes cleared and she glared at Edward. "How dare you suggest such a thing!" She walked away furiously, and I looked worriedly at Edward. He looked confused. "She must have had a vision about what we were going to do." He shrugged and then took my hand, and we walked into the Cullen house.

**First chapter is done, and I expect at least 5 reviews. I know, not exactly the comedy you all were expecting, but this sort of set the scene. Next chapter will begin the humor.**

**_Yours, _**

**_Fat Brunette_**


	2. Elope

**Didn't exactly get my 5 reviews but whatever. Everyone has to start somewhere. :P To oXX0kb00kw0rmXXo: Yes, you were very close about the cast. We are reading the play at school too, and that's what gave me the idea to write this story. **

APOV

I stomped off, away from Edward and Bella, those two traitors. I couldn't believe it. How could Bella go back on her promise? I'd always thought she, such a selfless person, would understand and give me a chance to host her wedding. Rosalie and Emmett were too predictable, and I'd been organizing their ceremonies for over 20 years. It was nice to have a change for once, but of course, Edward had to step in and corrupt Bella's mind with such traitorous ideas.

The vision I'd had was of them running away together, to Las Vegas, to do the horrific drive-through marraige thing. Of course, I couldn't let them do that. Wasted money was a small matter, but Bella was getting married to a vampire! Surely that was a call for more than a boring wedding only reserved for the pathetic. How could I live with the shame of my brother, who was finally into someone after a hundred years, marrying the love of his life in such a disgusting manner! And I'd so wanted to do the marriage. I'd even counted down on my calendar and circled th date in pink.

In my room, I pouted. A light tapping noise on the door told me I had a visitor. I closed my eyes and saw Jasper walking into my room. I opened them again and sighed happily. "Come in, Jasper," I called. The door opened and his tall frame filled the entrance. He smiled gently, and I stared into his butterscotch eyes that reflected my own.

"Bella seems to be having a mental breakdown, which she has been effectively hiding from everyone, except me of course." He sat down next to me on our bed, and I leaned into him. I remembered the first time I leaned onto him, he had thrown me off in surprise and backed away. It was right after I told him in that little bar that I'd been waiting for him. I smiled, looking up at Jasper's profile, his long nose, the curve of his pale lips, and his blond ashy hair.

I sighed, awakening me back to the present situation again. "Bella is going to call off the wedding." Jasper turned toward me, surprise written in his eyes. "She is upset because of her father's dismissal of she marrying Edward." Jasper nodded, and murmured, "That's why she is so distressed."

I sighed again, my voice turning indignant. "I had a vision, and you know what those two are going to do? They are going to drive to Las Vegas, and she and Edward are just going to do the drive-through thing and get their papers. No ceremony! That's it!" My voice was becoming a scream. Jasper's eyes had widened. Looking into them, I could just imagine how blue they must have been when he was still human. That thought calmed me down. "I was so looking forward to the wedding, Jasper," I breathed. He made no reply and was still. Then he abruptly stood up, and had it not been for my ability to predict, I would have fallen down onto the bed.

"I'm going to go calm Bella and Edward down, and then you can go try to convince them again, alright Alice?" His voice was smooth and rhythmic, like the blotted sound of waves crashing onto the shore. He smoothly walked out, and I drew my knees up to my chest.

Maybe they'll change their minds, I thought, desperately thought. A pessimistic voice in the back of my head said, Sure they will. My conscience told it to shut up. Then my head stopped whirring. But what if that little voice was right? What if they didn't? I paused, unsure. Suddenly, my face lit up. Hehe, I really was an evil little pixie. If they didn't, I knew just the one to find...

EPOV

Since I was obviously unwelcome at Charlie's house, and Bella didn't want to face her father again, she was going to spend the night here. Unfortunately, there was no extra room, so she would sleep with me watching her. Cough, cough...Edward, bad boy...

Holding her hand, we made it up the steps, with her not falling, and into my room. I let her small warm fingers go and immediately went to my CD shelves. Bella ran to my bathroom, calling, "Be back in a minute, Edward. Just need to have another human moment..." I chuckled loudly, letting her know I'd heard. I picked my favorite Debussy song and put it into the stereo. Sweet melodies began echoing off of my spacious room walls, and I set my arms behind my head, legs dangling over the bed's, once used to hostage Bella, edge. After several minutes, I began feeling the calm that would have preceded a nice nap. Sometimes I really did wish I could sleep.

A pair of soft lips suddenly covered mine, and I opened my eyes to find Bella straddling me while playing with my locks. I smiled and enthusiastically kissed her back. I held her against me with my right hand, while I left my left hand to explore her curves.

Cupping her cheek, my fingers began rubbing circles on the now blushing face. I skimmed it across to her ear and I played with her earlobe. Taking my mouth from hers, I whispered, "I love you, Bella." She smirked, "I know." I permitted myself a light snigger. Bella was ever the one to surprise me.

I hoisted her up, further onto my lap, and resumed kissing her. Over and over again, she licked my lips with her soft tongue, asking to deepen the kiss, but I couldn't knowing that I might not be able to control myself if I did.

My left hand moved down to her hip and I squeezed it softly. I heard her breath stop and her heart flutter. My smile was triumphant against her red swollen lips.

The door suddenly flew open, and with my peripheral vision, I saw Emmett staring with a big grin on his stupid face. I wanted to slap him for ruining the moment. Of course, Bella blushed to be caught in such a compromising position, and she buried her head against my shoulder. I growled at Emmett's form.

"Woh, Eddie. Is this a bad time?" he chuckled. In that moment, I leaped across the bed and landed on his giggling form. I took his hair and pulled.

"Owww, Eddie! Stopppp..." I pulled tighter. "Okay, okay, sorry Edward. Just get off of me! Off! Off!" He began chanting that three-letter word like the idiot he was. I released him, and he stood up, indignantly brushing imaginary dirt off himself.

Bella was laughing hard on the bed. She was so beautiful when she laughed.

"Never knew you were so violent, Edward." Emmett left the room, and I heard him suggesting very evil thoughts to me in his head. I chuckled.

"You would be surprised at all I am capable of, Bella my dear." I raised an eyebrow at her as she blushed and giggled lightly simultaneously.

I swept onto the dull golden covers and took ahold of Bella's hands. She stopped giggling and sighed. I wrinkled my brow, confused at the sudden change of her mood.

"Edward, what are we going to do about the wedding? Maybe we should just go to Vegas, like before. I really don't want to hurt Alice's feelings, but I never did want a ceremony, and now that I know how Charlie would react, I _really_ don't want one." She shuddered. "Just imagine what would happen if he did find out about the wedding. I don't want to do that to your family."

"Bella, don't be absurd. You are honestly too selfless sometimes. It is quite disconcerting." I looked at her pale face and felt where my heart would have been tingle.

"Well, then, do you agree to just go to Vegas and get it done?" I lowered my face to her shoulder and skimmed my nose against her collarbone.

"Anything you want, my love."

Her heartbeat audibly sped up, and her breathing became rough. Unable to resist, I opened my mouth and licked her smooth skin. It was salty with a sweet shadow, the most delicious taste, excluding her blood, that I had ever had the pleasure to taste.

"Edward!" She groaned and half-heartedly pushed me off. I put on an expression of offense and heard her melodic laugh.

"We need to get ready then, if it's been decided. I'm scared Alice has already seen our decision, and I don't want to confront her over this again, okay?" I nodded. She sighed and continued. "When is the soonest we can leave?"

"Tomorrow?"

"Can you do that?" Her excitement was obvious.

"Of course, but it'll have to be a spur of the moment decision, while she's busy with Jasper..." My mind immediately began plotting.

"Oh!" Bella's mouth lifted up into an evil little grin. I grinned back.

"Love, start packing your clothes. I want to take you somehwere after, so we might not be back in the next few days." Her eyebrow lifted, but she immediately began doing what I asked. I walked out the room and found Jasper in the family room, playing some card game with Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett. This was going to be difficult.

"Jasper, can I have a word with you?" Jasper nodded and followed me. Emmett whistled. "Ooooh, Eddie wants some aloooone time with Jaaaasper." I ignored him. Alice just narrowed her eyes suspiciously at our retreating forms. Otherwise, though, she said nothing.

Once we had left the room, I turned around and sent my thoughts to him. I'd led him out of the room so the rest of the Cullens wouldn't see his expressions.

_Jasper, Bella and I are planning on leaving tonight to go to Vegas and get married. Bella feels no need to wait anymore, neither do I, and frankly, we both don't want to hurt Alice's feelings._ Jasper froze. There was a brief pause.

_Edward, that's not smart. She told me how much she had wanted to do this marriage. Why can't you just let her do it?_

I sighed._ Charlie, remember?_

_Oh, right. Well, why can't we just have a little wedding in our backyard and get Carlisle to do the vows and stuff. That way, the marriage will be secretive, and Alice will be happy._

_Honestly, why do you want to torture Bella like that? She doesn't want to do this, and neither do I. It was Alice's idea in the first place, and now that we all know Charlie's opinion against it, it makes the idea of a pink, festive, and most likely loud marriage a lot less appealing._

_Who says it can't be a secret?_

_This is a small town Jasper. You think people won't notice when there are fireworks exploding on top of the Cullen house? You think Charlie won't notice when Bella is at our house for an extremely long time and won't come home?_

_Well...what's your plan then?_

_We'll drive to Vegas and then get our papers and be officially married. No big celebration, and just the way Bella likes it._

_Wouldn't Charlie notice if she doesn't come home for a few days?_

_Nope. Bella told me he's going on a fishing trip tomorrow with some of his buddies until next week, just like us. _

_Yeah?_

_Yeah._

Long pause._ Well, she won't forgive me for a long time if I do this, you know._ He gave me an almost scared look. I almost laughed.

_Come on Jasper. Be a man! Bella's even willing to face the wrath of the evil pixie, and yet you aren't?_

He sighed._ Fine, but what do you want me to do?_

I started to smile, triumphant at ahving broken his resolve._ Well..._

BPOV

I was throwing random clothes and a few shampoo bottles into a hastily packed trunk, pondering where Edward would take me, when someone happened to knock on the door. I was ready to see Edward's godlike body, but instead found myself looking down on Alice's petite form. Petite, yes, but murderous.

"BELLA!!" She screamed like a man being tortured.

"What Alice?" I was thoroughly frightened now.

"EDWARD IS TRYING TO CONVINCE JASPER TO JOIN YOU IN YOUR EVIL LITTLE PLOT!! HOW COULD YOU GUYS DO THIS, NOT ONLY TO ME, BUT ALSO TO JASPER, MY HANDSOME, LOYAL, SWEET, AND PERFECT HUSBAND AS WELL!!" She clutched her head and moaned.

"Alice, stop! Stop!" I pushed her into her room, not wanting her to see my packed up clothes and such. Luckily, she was too busy drowning in self-pity to notice them strewn all over the place, and I successfully got her into her and Jasper's room with no harm.

"Alice, I had no idea, absolutely none, about what Edward is doing to Jasper, so calm down." I sat down next to her on her bed. She immediately stopped spazzing and looked up at me with the puppy dog pout. "Oh no...not this again, Alice." I groaned. I turned my face away, but she tugged on my sleeve like a little child and I couldn't help but turn. Her big black-lashed eyes seemed to overwhelm her face. They were brimming with sparkling tears.

"Please, Bella?"

"Ugh! No!"

"Why not, Bella?" Tears began streaming down her face, and I tried not to relent. _Pink, sparklers, roses, white dress, dangerous shoes..._I listed all the reasons why to say no in my head. Finally, I came to the most important one. _Charlie._

"Because of Charlie, okay Alice? I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want to hurt Charlie as well. There will be future opportunities to play Guinea pig with me, but now is not the time, alright?" She turned away and began sobbing full force into her pillow. I sort of patted her on the back for a few minutes, but when she wouldn't stop, I left. How could someone so little have so many tears to spill? I felt a little cruel, but I had no idea what else to do. Edward was waiting in his room for me, with everything packed neatly and perfectly. I sighed. That was one of the few benefits of having a vampire boyfriend.

He walked over to me and rested his hands on my shoulders. "What took you so long, love?"

I sighed again. That was the, what? Fifteenth time? "Helping Alice get over the emotional blow." Edward grinned. "Um, is there something I'm missing?"

"No, love." he winked. "But you can be sure Jasper will set her emotions straight again." Suddenly, I felt a giant wave of lust, centering around Alice's room. Oh god. I heard a little giggle. I did NOT want to know what was going on in there. Edward was a blur now, gathering our stuff and then racing down the stairs and to his Volvo. I stopped by the family room where Emmet and Rosalie, who's shirt had been stripped off and lay in rags in the corner, obviously overcome by Jasper's emanating lust and desire, were making out like a couple of sex addicts. I quickly turned my head to give them a bit of privacy, while trying to ignore the sucking noises I heard.

Fresh air. I sprinted to the dark shape that I took was the silver Volvo and got into the passenger seat. Edward was waiting in the driver's seat, the bridge of his nose pinched between his forefingers, eyes pressed shut.

"You okay, Edward?" He looked very distressed. Well, duh.

"Yes, love. Just need a bit to expel the disgusting thoughts that are being screamed from that house full of sex monsters over there." Without opening his eyes, he pointed in the perfect dircetion of the white house's wide oaken door. I laughed. Then I leaned in, trying my best to maneuver over the gears and switches, and laid my head on his chest. His arms instantly were wrapped around my body, and I looked up to see his eyes staring at me.

"It's rude to stare, you know, Edward Anthony Cullen." He gave a quiet laugh and then started up the engine. I threw one last glance at the house. Was it just me, or was the house sliently shaking? The car began silently speeding through the trees, but just before I lost sight of the house, I saw a tiny little figure run out onto the porch, with pants on backward and a shirt half off, give a resounding shriek in my ears.

"EDWARD CUUUUUUUUUUUULEEEEEEEN! BEEEEEEEEEEELLA!"

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**The end. Next chapter, Alice is going to get the werewolves involved. Uh oh. I've added a poll to my profile, so please go see it and vote.**

**_Yours,_**

**_Fat Brunette _**


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